It's quite strange, how one day you open your eyes and really see what is going on around you and realize that your motions and your choices have a huge ripple affect on everything around you.
For the longest time now I really believed that my next purpose in life was to pause my career to have a child. Maybe it is, I still would welcome the experience, and some days pine for it..but I am starting to realize there are other things possibly more important right now.
I may not have my own daughter or younger sister by birth, but I have 3 young woman in my family who seem to be looking for something from me. Whether guidance, or validation or just someone to talk to about this crazy experience called life...it suddenly seems that I have been called on to be there to help them get to the next stage in their lives. My 2 nieces and younger sister-in-law..all in their early 20s, all in very different circumstances, have challenged me to share what I have learned and to share their experiences. My other nieces are well past this stage and have grown into their own, not really needing this anymore from me. I didn't realize I missed it so much.
My husband's niece is learning to open her mind to things that just weren't a part of her childhood (like kiwi fruit!). She is eager to learn more about cooking and eating different food, healthy food, and trying new things. Now this is something I can surely show her. We have started to go for dinner a couple times a month and have made plans to cook together in the new year.
My sister's only daughter has moved out on her own, with her boyfriend, much to the chagrin of her very traditional parents. We are separated by distance, but through email she has opened up to me in a way I never felt possible. I see myself in her, facing some of the same choices - 'what kind of person do I want to become, what kind of relationship will make me happy, is there such a thing? How do I stay connected to my family if I am leading a very different lifestyle than my upbringing...' I am disappointed in her folks for imposing their beliefs on her so strongly that they have shut her out, all the while under a false pretense that she will come running home if they just hold out long enough. It doesn't work that way. Her folks are coming for Christmas in the next few days, it will be interesting to see what happens with our dialog ...I'm still unsure whether to speak my mind or remain silent. I've tried talking to my sister in the past about her relationship with her daughter, it fell on deaf ears. I look at other friends and members of my married family and see what damage comes from simple choices made by mothers years ago. I'm not sure how to make her realize that having a daughter is a gift she has been blessed with, and that so far she doesn't really know her daughter at all. She has always been too busy, now she may never have the chance.
Then there's my younger sister-in-law who happens to share my birthday. She recently became engaged and is heading off to the states for school. The wedding is next August and she has asked me to help her plan it, and to be her emcee. Again, I am transported back 12 or so years when I was in a similar spot. Its a little tough, to be happy for her and yet so apprehensive...the 3 most difficult years of my life followed my engagement, I would hate to see her experience the same. Maybe all marriages start this way, with a mountain to climb before the summit....who knows. Her fiance is well educated and worldly and healthy - maybe they will be just fine. I do think Dan and I have something special, something I don't see very often in the relationships around me, but not every day is perfect, even now. Things that do challenge us... money, fertility, family obligations... are still very real and could have a great impact on the future - time will tell. Hopefully we can tackle them with grace and knowledge and come out smiling on the other side.
So as I enter 2008 I am grateful for most things...my health, the strength and promise and perspective these three young women bring to my life, the love my husband shows me each day, my lovable friends, my exciting career, my blessed family....... I feel for now my purpose is here and immediate, and I should carry on, paying better attention to what is right here - not spend so much energy vainly seeking what remains a yet possibility in the future, and continue to let it crush me in the present.
For the longest time now I really believed that my next purpose in life was to pause my career to have a child. Maybe it is, I still would welcome the experience, and some days pine for it..but I am starting to realize there are other things possibly more important right now.
I may not have my own daughter or younger sister by birth, but I have 3 young woman in my family who seem to be looking for something from me. Whether guidance, or validation or just someone to talk to about this crazy experience called life...it suddenly seems that I have been called on to be there to help them get to the next stage in their lives. My 2 nieces and younger sister-in-law..all in their early 20s, all in very different circumstances, have challenged me to share what I have learned and to share their experiences. My other nieces are well past this stage and have grown into their own, not really needing this anymore from me. I didn't realize I missed it so much.
My husband's niece is learning to open her mind to things that just weren't a part of her childhood (like kiwi fruit!). She is eager to learn more about cooking and eating different food, healthy food, and trying new things. Now this is something I can surely show her. We have started to go for dinner a couple times a month and have made plans to cook together in the new year.
My sister's only daughter has moved out on her own, with her boyfriend, much to the chagrin of her very traditional parents. We are separated by distance, but through email she has opened up to me in a way I never felt possible. I see myself in her, facing some of the same choices - 'what kind of person do I want to become, what kind of relationship will make me happy, is there such a thing? How do I stay connected to my family if I am leading a very different lifestyle than my upbringing...' I am disappointed in her folks for imposing their beliefs on her so strongly that they have shut her out, all the while under a false pretense that she will come running home if they just hold out long enough. It doesn't work that way. Her folks are coming for Christmas in the next few days, it will be interesting to see what happens with our dialog ...I'm still unsure whether to speak my mind or remain silent. I've tried talking to my sister in the past about her relationship with her daughter, it fell on deaf ears. I look at other friends and members of my married family and see what damage comes from simple choices made by mothers years ago. I'm not sure how to make her realize that having a daughter is a gift she has been blessed with, and that so far she doesn't really know her daughter at all. She has always been too busy, now she may never have the chance.
Then there's my younger sister-in-law who happens to share my birthday. She recently became engaged and is heading off to the states for school. The wedding is next August and she has asked me to help her plan it, and to be her emcee. Again, I am transported back 12 or so years when I was in a similar spot. Its a little tough, to be happy for her and yet so apprehensive...the 3 most difficult years of my life followed my engagement, I would hate to see her experience the same. Maybe all marriages start this way, with a mountain to climb before the summit....who knows. Her fiance is well educated and worldly and healthy - maybe they will be just fine. I do think Dan and I have something special, something I don't see very often in the relationships around me, but not every day is perfect, even now. Things that do challenge us... money, fertility, family obligations... are still very real and could have a great impact on the future - time will tell. Hopefully we can tackle them with grace and knowledge and come out smiling on the other side.
So as I enter 2008 I am grateful for most things...my health, the strength and promise and perspective these three young women bring to my life, the love my husband shows me each day, my lovable friends, my exciting career, my blessed family....... I feel for now my purpose is here and immediate, and I should carry on, paying better attention to what is right here - not spend so much energy vainly seeking what remains a yet possibility in the future, and continue to let it crush me in the present.
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